OUR WORLD:
Wednesday is such a day for adults. The midpoint of the weekday grind is the exact point where you don’t know where or who you really are anymore; you’re just the person who puts on the least wrinkled shirt in your closet and walks your dog before disappearing into a computer screen for 9 hours (9, not 8, because you’re a GOOD WORKER BEE!) Throughout the day, some people will make hump day jokes because of that talking-camel commercial and you’ll kinda chuckle because the word “hump” is funny. But, all you really want to do is not talk to ANYONE and just blackout until late Thursday afternoon when Friday’s rays of sunshine begin to poke through your office blinds.
This grind is such a mature mindset. I remember coming out of college and trying to treat every night like Friday because “I like to have fun!” The thought of basically transforming myself into a work-robot during the week was too sobering for Jimmy IT’S ALWAYS GOOD TIMES. And while this maturing is good for the health of my brain and body, I’ll have instances where I daydream about getting to be immature again. Don’t you? Like, don’t you just want to take your shirt off in the middle of your office sometimes and run out while screaming “I’M FREE!!!” You’re not gonna do it, but it’s funny to think about. Thinking about EXPLOSIONS of immaturity is what gets me through some of life’s most mundane and scary situations/settings; and I think if you’re not partaking in this exercise as of yet, it might help you as well. So today, I’d like to start a new Wednesday tradition on Jimmyschair and write about “places where you really want to act more immature than is socially acceptable”:
The Dentist Office:
You probably haven’t gone in over 3 years and it’s getting to the point where you’ve convinced yourself that “something real bad is happening.” I went for the first time in like 5 years a couple months ago (not to brag) and was POSITIVE the dentist was going to take one look at me before calling a Priest to read me my last rights. (Spoiler alert: I’m still alive and it wasn’t that bad). But your imagination runs WILD to the point where you start contemplating “what if I just never went to the dentist again? People in olden times didn’t go and they seem to be doing okay in most of the movies I’ve seen them in.” That is until you throw a pile of almonds in your stink-trap of a mouth, bite down and feel like an a-bomb went off inside your back molar. The “oh fuck, something’s really wrong in my mouth” is a top 1 worst feeling in life.
So you finally make an appointment, but you’re really hoping that an alien bomber plane will just blow up the world before you actually have to go. But that never happens because you have bad luck, so you go to the dentist and have to be MATURE and pretend like you’re not that scared. Wouldn’t it be great to be immature here? Like, just walk into the dentist office crying. Go up to the receptionist wildly shaking your head and weeping “I don’t wanna go! I don’t wanna go!” Then when the dentist emerges with his scary surgical mask, you literally SCREAM BLOODY MURDER “GET AWAY FROM ME! NO! NO! HELP! MOM HELP!!!!” The dentist would have to try to calm you down by speaking on a sweet voice and assuring you that “everything is gonna be okay.” But you still wouldn’t totally believe him as you sat down in that murder-chair.
Then they’d turn the lamp on and ask you to open your mouth, but since you’re still in immature-mode you just refuse to. The dentist’s assistant would kneel down next to you and maybe rub your shoulder a little to calm you down (wouldn’t that be nice as an adult? Guess what, kids aren’t the only ones scared of the dentist!) So then finally, after being talked to like a baby, you’d open your mouth a little and they could begin to clean your teeth. It’s not bad at first, but then they start scraping and you LOSE IT again. This time, it’s a full-on “get away from me!”-fit to the point that they have to konk you on the head with a mallet to continue the cleaning. I don’t know about you, but if my dentist appointment included being knocked out cold by a mallet-to-the-dome, I’d consider that a win for the mere fact that I wouldn’t have to hear all the drilling noises.
MY WORLD:
I’m not gonna lie guys, I am supes biz at work (cute way of saying I’ve thought about crying on a semi-regular basis over the past few weeks). So that’s my world right now: being super busy, feeling bad that my dog is alone for way too long during the day and trying to cool it with the “I worked hard today, so I deserve to binge on candy tonight.”
LETS LIKE THIS TOGETHER AT THE SAME TIME:
Did you think I was kidding when I said I was about to go on a big Death Cab for Cutie kick?
LETS HATE THIS TOGETHER AT THE SAME TIME:
When “Chicago Fire” is filming two blocks away from your apartment building and, therefore, blocking off 2 streets worth of parking. So when you get home at night, there is no parking left and you have to park like 9 blocks away on a street known for muggings. I’ve never watched this show and, if you do, I’d ask that you please stop. Thank you for your service.
MY BOVADA PICK OF THE DAY THAT I AM GENUINELY CONFIDENT IN BECAUSE I DESERVE GOOD THINGS TO HAPPEN TO ME AFTER GETTING REAR-ENDED BY A GUY WITHOUT A LICENSE:
Cool thing happened to me last night, I forgot to bet on Milwaukee until midway through the first half. Which means that I got them at (+11.5) and they covered! San Antonio also covered, so I went 2 for 3 last night! This parlay kid could use one hitting, but at least I’m not on some big smelly losing streak or something. Got a bunch of games going tonight, and here’s what I’m thinking as of now: Jazz, Wizards, Rockets, and Bucks all against the spread. Will my thinking change between now and gametime? Quite possibly.
(My account currently at $182.80)
K bye.
Jimmy's Chair 