MY WORLD:
Yeah, I took a few days off. The VP of Ops and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary in the greatest and laziest of ways. I’m talking dog walks and outdoor margaritas (although The VP got a Michelada for some reason and pretended not to hate it the entire time…she’s bad at pretending not to hate things), but mostly, I’m talking SWEATPANTS! COUCH! DELIVERY! NETFLIX! And we finally pulled the trigger on buying tickets for our belated honeymoon; so the VP and I will be going to Ireland in early September. (Braggy Jimmy STINKS! THIS BLOG HAS CHANGED!)
Yeah, it is a slight brag, BUT we have had to answer the “where did you go on your honeymoon?” question for the past year with shrugged shoulders and stories about how “we’re saving up!” I always felt like when that question came up, things would get real awkward and the people asking us would feel bad for us and walk away like “aww, they’re sad.” I know that didn’t ACTUALLY happen, but it did kinda feel like it did. So now, we get to play the nonchalant “oh, we’re going to Europe”-people for the next couple months. (Going to Europe sounds cooler than just saying “Ireland” I think because that’s what my brain is telling me and I don’t have a rational way to describe why I feel like that. IS THAT OKAY?!?!)
Aside from bragging a lil bit (it is MY blog…I’m allowed to do that every now and then) this is more of a plea for help because I have no idea what to do on a vacation. I’ve never been out of the country (or have I? And if so, why am I hiding it? Is Jimmy a sp– IS THE GOVERNMENT READING THIS?!?!) and The VP and I have never been on a vacation together. Yeah, real talk. The only times The VP and I have been out of town are to visit her fam in Mississippi or to go to a wedding (where I would normally get too intoxicated and come VERY close to embarrassing The VP in front of all her friends that were skeptical of her being with a Yankee in the first place. I’m a master of first impressions, guys.) The last time I was on a legit vacation was in High School I think, so we’re going to need some suggestions on where to go and what to do because here is what I think a vacation consists of (according to teen/pre-teen Jimmy):
Hours in the hotel pool: Wait, so my Dad isn’t coming to Ireland with us to throw me around in the hotel pool? WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THIS?!?! I swear to god, if The VP doesn’t want to play catch with a mini-nerf football in the pool, I’m gonna LOSE IT! Here’s what should happen; my Dad shows up to throw me around in the pool and then Erin and I play catch with the mini-football where I’ll mostly stand on the ledge of the pool and have her throw it so I can make a V cool looking diving catch. Instagram finna’ be LIT UP with my diving catch boomerangs!
Hotel freeze tag: Little does The VP know that she lucked out and married the undisputed King of Pomerantz Hotel Freeze Tag. “But Jimmy, you were the oldest of 4 siblings, so weren’t you always at a physical AND mental advantage?” <<<Who in the fuck is asking me questions like that? PASS! Listen, barefoot freeze tag through hotel halls with your siblings (and now wife…don’t worry VP, we’ll let you play now!) is the 5th major sport in America. The Sportscenter Top 10 was made for moments like when the oldest of 4 taunts the youngest for being too slow to win freeze tag and too immature to handle ALWAYS losing freeze tag.
Eating dinner at that place with peanut shells on the ground and a free popcorn machine: If all-you-can-eat popcorn and getting to toss peanut shells on the floor doesn’t say vacation, I don’t know what does. Were my parents simply masters of manipulation in framing dive bars as the epitome of relaxation for kids? Possibly, but goddamnit do I respect that move. Nothing was more exciting for 11 year-old Jimmy than pulling up to “The Satisfied Frog” in Cave Creek, Arizona and being reminded that it was the “peanut shell and popcorn place!” AWWWWWW HELL YEAH!
Those activities sound doable for a couple of 32 year olds in Ireland, right? (He’s joking, right? I can’t tell…I REALLY CAN’T TELL!) I am kidding…sorta. Please take this as an invitation to tell us what to do if you’ve been there. Even if you haven’t been there and saw something in a movie that looked cool, we’re open! We watched an Anthony Bourdain show on Ireland yesterday and it seems that Guinness and dive bars are a good place to start (maybe I’ll just bring my own bag of peanuts and pray they don’t get mad at me for tossing the shells on the ground?)
OUR WORLD:
I haven’t been living in “our world” lately, so gonna need to sit this one out today. Takes a day or two for me to get my sea legs back. Kinda like when you get back into the gym after a long layoff and your body doesn’t work anymore; that’s me and my writing fingers right now.
LETS LIKE THIS TOGETHER AT THE SAME TIME:
I plan on this being me every morning in Ireland…
LETS HATE THIS TOGETHER AT THE SAME TIME:
Lisa Vanderpump was kind of a MAJOR B to the 2 Tom’s on last night’s Vanderpump reunion show, right? So….my point about her being a pompous jerk was proven.
MY BOVADA PICK OF THE DAY THAT I AM GENUINELY CONFIDENT IN BECAUSE I DESERVE GOOD THINGS TO HAPPEN TO ME AFTER GETTING REAR-ENDED BY A GUY WITHOUT A LICENSE:
Won with the Cavs last night which is never that enjoyable because I can’t stand Lebron. We did lose with the Celts though and the parlay so….BASICALLY EVEN! Tonight’s games have BIG lines which are scary, but the Rockets and Warriors seem destined to stomp out these series. LETS BANG THOSE FAVES!
(My account currently at $153.68)
K bye.
Jimmy's Chair 